Just like any other young man doing his national service in an unknown land, my room is like a shrine. Everything is displayed on the bare uncarpeted floor; no chairs (yet), a new mattress over-ambitiously laid with an overflowing blue Mickey Mouse-themed bedspread in one corner, an inherited table-top fridge which isn't yet on top of any table, bowls, a cup, a rice cooker, and other basic necessities squatting carelessly in another corner. Unlike some of my peers who've acquired television sets with all their savings, I have no immediate plans of procuring one. The reason is that, the few times I've chanced on a television scene, all I see is people kissing like there's no tomorrow. And for the single man that I am, I can't endure that kind of emotional torture so I'll just cringe away from the idea of having a tv until further notice. My big bag dominated one corner, while shoes and co find themselves outside.
I laid on the bed, coping with the usual boredom, although my mind regurgitated alternating thoughts one after the other. At a point, I was wondering why the price of my favorite biscuit, Perk!, had inflated from Ghc 1 to Ghc 1.20p. At another point, I wondered why November is taking too long to end. Doesn't the month know that the lack of transport fare to work is the root of all evil? That notwithstanding, some of my thoughts were also mind-blowing. For instance, did you know that people die when they're killed? Did you also know that you can drink lava but only once? Did you know Albert Einstein was alive before he died? And so on and so forth…
I heard a knock on my door. At the point where I made an effort to get the door, whoever it was pushed it as calmly as he had tapped it, and entered.
"Oh Efo, I didn't know you were sleeping?" Mr. Jude said apologetically.
He entered, wearing an oversized shirt to conceal his humble potbelly.His tight Khaki shorts and slippers made him look like a famous AWUSCO house master who we affectionately call Akpanda. He looked round the room and nodded approvingly. He seemed impressed at my steady progress. The last time he came to my room, the things in my room were a bucket, a tattered students' mattress, my gari container, my bag and I.
"Efo," he begun, "I'm surprised you don't have an NDC flag in your room. As for you Ewes…"
I smiled at that retort. I was used to this type of politically ethnic stereotype. Previously,I used to emotionally silence these stereotypes, but now, I see some of them to be hilarious and so I simply laugh them off and move on with my fantastic life. The other time, somebody said Praise and Worship, Signs and Wonders, Powers and Principality, Hustle, Loyalty and Respect, Praise The Lord were all some examples of Ewe names. I'm an Ewe but I haven't chewed Joseph's meat before. Oh! We refer to cats as Joseph.
"You see, you're an NDC man that's why you can't say anything negative about the Mahama-led administration," He said.
For a moment, I begun to wonder how cat meat would taste like. I hear Nii Bavard is a cat meat addict...lol...
"Efo, but today you came home early oh. How was work?"
Work was the same old annoying routine. Noisy kids farting here and there, teachers straining their voices and efforts to make sure these littluns understand whatever it is we are saying, a motherly supervisor who never jokes with details, and kids giving you give you mind-blowing answers. For instance, I asked the kids to mention any water body they knew. One guy stood up and then said,"Pure Water!"
"Oh Mr. Jude, it was fine ohh." I responded.
"We thank God."
I still wondered why he had come. I couldn't ask too. It may be rude.
"Efo, today is my birthday oh!"
Woow... I celebrated mine the previous day. But I didn't confess it, for the fear of placing myself in any misguided joint commitment. Besides, I didn't know what he was driving at. If you tell someone that it's your birthday on your birthday (studies have shown) that you expect something from them. I couldn't think of anything Mr. Jude may be expecting from me...When he looks round at the 'don't-despise-small-beginning' nature of my Shrine, I'm sure he meant his announcement with a paternalistic gesture and so, with a broad smile, I said;
"Is that so? Then happy birthday Sir. May you own more properties."
"Amen," He replied, in an equally broad smile, with his grin running from ear to ear, showing his big front teeth.
"So, how are we celebrating it?" I asked.
"Well, you know my wives have travelled."
Actually I didn't know but I nodded.
"And I really want to eat Fufu today."
"Okay," I nodded slowly, urging him to continue.
"There's soup. Already prepared by .... Erm... Whoever prepared it doesn't matter..."
I smiled. I'm a cold-blooded mammal. I don't support extra-marital affairs. But, if a man's wife's away, somebody has to do the cooking for him. Only God can judge a man.
"So Efo.... The cassava has already been cooked. I want you to pound it, while I do the stirring."
"Oh... Say no more."
After a while, the food was ready... This time, there was no disaster... And we enjoyed it in harmony.
