My First Kiss

When you see two or more guys listening attentively to each other, they're obviously not talking about sports. Mostly, they're sharing the success stories of the previous days' emotional adventures. To both sexes, a first kiss is an unforgettable experience to most people. In situations where the first kiss wasn't consensual or was from a partner who left our heart in shreds, we accord the gracefulness of a first kiss to the next kiss. For some of us, it took over two decades to get close to the land flowing with milk and honey. For some of you, it was probably in your teen years. While the rest also had the opportunity to be spoilt before the teen years. So this is how I got mine:

Once upon a life, I had (or still have) a friend called Adoley. Though two years older than Adoley, we were in the same year in the university. I was just a little taller than her. She was fair-complexioned, round, fleshy and soft. Unlike most plumpy ladies whose waists refuse to proportionate in order to invest much flesh at the 'frontus and backus', her waist didn't betray her. For this reason, Adoley had the ideal shape for a woman. For those who looked no further than the outward appearance (like the size of thighs, the gluteus maximus, mammary glands, etc), Adoley undoubtedly was a pass and an appetite raiser. Among the long list of admirers were lecturers, teaching assistants, Tech Police, Bomso Kwashey boys, prayer warriors, hostel mates, taxi drivers, virgins (like myself), TEWU members, TESCON members and the list goes on and on.

It wasn't miraculous how I found myself on that list because Adoley and I were in the same hostel. We became friends. She said I was her good friend because I seemed to be the only one who could have a conversation with her without looking at her chest. According to her, I had proven that I could listen without wanting to smooch her (if only she knew what I was doing to her body, in my mind). Because she didn't, she told me I was like a big brother to her; I'm like a roommate to her (she even roommate-zoned me).

I had no problem with the zones she had placed me in until recently when I found my roommates' persistent bluff about their emotional escapades too daring. In order to have something to say when my friends started talking about girls, I decided to go on a mission; to get a kiss...My First Kiss. Call it kiss hunting.
What was there to lose anyway? I'm a Fodome boy and we Fodome boys fear nothing. But my biggest psychological barriers came in two folds. 

First, Adoley had narrated to me how she ended up slapping about ten guys who attempted kissing her. One evening when I went to her room to eat rice and stew, she said, "A lot of guys try to kiss me unawares and it annoys me. I have slapped alot of them because I'm faster at anticipating their move. My male friends especially, are fond of doing that. If it's my boyfriend, fine, but for someone like you, I'll slap you haaard." Her stress on the word 'hard' hit me like a real slap.

The second barrier, much related to the first, was the idea that, that move would bring an end to our long-standing friendship. Adoley and I were so close that she could come to my room with only a towel around her chest down to her upper thigh. We ate from the same bowl, had silly long talks, etc. Add kissing, cuddling and other (necessary) stuff lovers do and we were qualified to be called couples.

One evening, when her dad had sent her money, she asked me to escort her to go buy food. When we returned from the jollof base, we ate from the same bowl. Next on the list, was watching a movie. 
Her head rested on my shoulders as we did so. My face was close to hers and I kept staring at her big lips and fantasizing. I could smell her breathe, and those pink lips were inviting. All that I needed was the confidence to act because in the supernatural world, I had even made love to her. But now, even the manifestation of a kiss was but wishful thinking. 
"Can I kiss you?" I asked, opting to go the gentleman style. 

She sat up and gave me a stern look of perplexity. 'Will she slap me despite my gentlemanly approach?' I thought to my self. She shook her head and gave me a wry smile. After the movie, when I was about to leave, she said, "Tony, we are good friends but I can't kiss you, okay?"
I smiled as if to say "no problem".

As I turned round to grab the door handle, she walked quickly to me and within a spilt second, she placed her hands over my shoulders. My hand (as if in reflex action), simultaneously responded by grabbing her waist. Before I could say Jack Robinson, our lips merged-stuck to each other as if glued. I enjoyed every bit of it. Then she did some funny stuff with her tongue until my roommate woke me up from my sleep, asking me in an angry tone, why I left the door ajar. The landlord's cat had entered the room, ate the fish from his plate of kenkey and was standing on my chest licking my face.
 
That's how come I never had my much anticipated first kiss.